Gonzo Girl

The weather app indicates 34 degrees and a chance of rain. 

And some wind.  Great. 

The idea of leaving my cozy living room is less than wonderful. As I slog around the house getting all my gear, I wonder about this cycling addiction I have.  What draws me to long distance trips which, if you’ve ever read any of my blogs about said adventures, you will know, are not all ponies and unicorns. 

There are so many aspects to this kind of travel.  There are the great sights for sure, the slow pace of literally covering every inch of ground between point A and point B. There is the cup of lovely coffee, no matter how it really tastes, waiting along the way. This, coupled with the sweat, the grime, the numb hands and feet. 

 And the butt.  No words to describe a good blister in the nether parts.

Yet, as soon as it’s done, I’m dreaming about the next odyssey.  

It’s been a year and a half since our last cycling trip. I never wrote about that experience. It was, like most of our previous forays, completely unexpected and left many lasting impressions. Some that have taken me a minute to digest.  Mostly amazing, but some quite disturbing.  Polly Anna (that’s me if you had any doubt) learned a few things.

Rick and I tend to plan based on an initial whim. We are not overly detailed in our research – unless you are talking about price points. We have made many decisions to jump off a cliff, hold hands, and hope for the best. And like you’d expect, there are a lot of bumps, bruises and maybe even a concussion along the way. Upon landing, we are changed in some way. Forever. 

Bring on Thailand 2.0.

One evening, sometime in the winter of 2024, we were cold. The weather was gray (read 60 Shades of Gray for details on PNW weather).  Maybe even a little bored. I said something like, “It would be really nice to go back to Thailand for a visit.”  Having lived in Thailand for two years, we had friends we wanted to see, beaches we wanted to revisit, and maybe we could throw in a little cycling and cover ground we hadn’t yet explored. So, we poured a cocktail and started to plan. You know, OUR kind of planning. What is the least expensive way to do this?

It didn’t take long to find a tour company that led fantastic guided bike trips through all parts of Thailand. A German expat living in Thailand owned the company.  Prices were excellent, the places amazing, and we could do a more difficult trip (more mileage and more elevation) because they offered really top notch e-bikes. So, I looked through the shiny website and chose a “moderate” ride through the mountains of northern Thailand. We would start in Chiang Mai, ride an average of 60 miles per day with big elevations, as we headed to the Golden Triangle along the borders of Myanmar, and Laos then circle back through Chiang Rai and return to Chiang Mai.  About 400 miles in total. But on e-bikes?  No problem. 

So, we decided to go in November, just after the rainy season. We had a few months to train, but because we were using e-bikes on the tour, we didn’t train for 60 mile days, we trained for 40. We even rented e-bikes to get an idea of how to ride them, and had a great time whipping up hills and covering so many miles. This was going to be a piece of cake.

Landing in Thailand was a dream. Especially after 24 hours of travel/torture in coach (AKA Steerage). We spent our first week recovering from jet lag at a beach we love on Koh Semet. White sand, little huts, great food. So hot with a cool breeze off the water. The perfect setting for what’s known as “Fly and Flop”. Then it was off to Chiang Mai to begin our bike trip.

Arriving at a gorgeous 5 star hotel was a pleasant start. If this was the standard for the trip, we were already in heaven. I mean, what could go wrong? 

The first indication that there might be trouble in paradise came when we walked into the welcome orientation. Now, let me set it up. We have not been on a group guided cycling trip since 2013.  We had used a fantastic company (VBT) which offered small groups (up to 15 guests), lovely accommodations and great guides. So, when we entered the room and there were at least 30 people there, I was confused.  Didn’t the website say this was a 1:15 guide to guest ratio? 

 Do the math Liz. That could translate to a 2:30 ratio. 

And everyone, and I mean everyone, was speaking German.

So, our leader, I’ll call him John, begins our meeting in German. And then he switches to English and says, “We have two Americans in our group, would anyone mind if we conduct this meeting in English?” (Because everyone knows Americans can only speak “Amurican”.) A few quiet groans and likely some eye-rolling but because I didn’t want to look anyone in the eye at that moment, I can’t be certain. Then he said, “good”.  And without any humor or smiling or fluffy words, he continued.  “Let’s introduce ourselves, please.  Say your name, where you are from, and if you have gone on a tour with us before.”  Very quickly and precisely, people began. “I am Johann and I live in Berlin.  This is my seventh ‘John’ trip.”  “I am Edward and I am from Munich, this is my third ‘John’ trip”.  “I am Stephan and I live in Passau.  I have been on 12 ‘John’ trips.” Then with a glimmer of a smile he said more quietly, “The days are good, but the nights…” A quick look from John cut him off and we were back to our very German roll call. 

The majority of the group had  traveled with this outfit before. Wow. Maybe this would be great.  So many repeat customers says a lot about a company. Most of the group was male with just six women. Everyone looked extremely athletic, especially the next morning when we were asked to wear our matching cycling jerseys for a group photo. Us Americans stood out in this photo, filling out our jerseys especially well. 

I think it’s safe to say that Rick and I were more than a little apprehensive about our 25 mile warm up ride.  We would be “assessed” to see which group we would be riding in. As we were getting ready, without warning, the group suddenly started riding. I’m thinking, “Whatever, we have e-bikes, we will catch up in a minute.”  But no. Like an overzealous coach, John starts yelling and clapping his hands at us, “Quickly, quickly! Let’s go! Close the gap! Close the gap!”

No messing around. Get with the program. We have rules to follow!

I was instantly an 8 year old, stumbling to comply.

So it was no surprise when we were selected for  the slow group. Most of the fast group was riding non-electric road bikes. Serious cycling. Clip in, ride hard, no stopping for pictures. We rode in pelotons. That means cycling in an orchestrated group, moving like fish in water – together. Think Tour De France. The fast group did this with careful precision, clearly not their first rodeo. Their riding speed averaged 18-25 mph while riding about 18-24 inches of each other. 

The second group was more like a gelatinous blob, clumped together at the front and then spreading out in a long, single file tail. Still, the slow group pace hovered between about 15-20 mph. For reference, Rick and I typically ride in the 10-12 mph range. I was so thankful to be on an e-bike.

This style of riding was completely new to Rick and I.  We were used to heavy bikes with bags for all our gear. Camera at the ready, we typically stop and take a picture of the single flower in a field of green, or a mountain peak that looks like a goat, or the classic selfie by a waterfall.  

Not so on this adventure.

The first two days of riding are a blur. I was exhausted and very disappointed. This was not what we had expected and was not at all enjoyable. It was hard to connect with our fellow cyclists.  But then slowly, we did. We met a couple single guys, also e-bikers, and a lovely Swiss couple. As I think back, these folks had excellent English skills. I understand why many in our group sort of avoided us during breaks and meals. They were never rude, they just didn’t engage. But, from my own experience, I know it is difficult to communicate in a non-native language. 

It was at this point that I had an internal conversation with myself.

Self: “Look, you have a choice here, you know.” 

Self:  “Yes. I know. I know.” 

Self: “You can have a shitty time or you can have a great time. What is it?” 

Self:  “Sigh, great time.”

So, I decided that I was going to try to embrace the fast paced, ride or die, mindset.  And, that’s what happened.  

Here’s what I learned.  

• Riding fast means getting to your destination before the heat of the day (read 90 degrees with 90 percent humidity) reaches its apex.
• Riding in a peloton correctly is less effort.
• Riding in a peloton correctly on a busy road or highway is like driving a truck. No one messes with you.
• Riding in a peloton correctly gains status points in the group. 

By the end of the trip, we had seen some truly amazing parts of Thailand, learned a whole new way to ride, and had made a few friends. In fact, the Swiss couple met up with us after the tour had ended and we went out for dinner.  

And this was when my mind was blown. 

Peter and Rachel were on a huge Asia trip of which the Northern Thailand cycling trip was just the first few weeks. Rachel had an unexpected surgery right before the trip so spent many days riding in the van and going to bed early. Because of this, Peter was invited out with a group of guys from the tour. The ones that had been on so many “John” tours.

Over dinner, Rick asked, “So, Peter, you obviously are an experienced cyclist, why weren’t you riding in the fast group?” 

 “Oh, that group! They are full of testosterone. I didn’t want my trip to be like that. Too much. I don’t know how they had the energy to ride like they did. I mean they partied all night.”

 “Oh really? I said.  

“Yes, they invited me out once when Rachel went to bed early. It was too much. Drinking and the girls.”  

Now, I was interested. “Of course, the girls. This is Thailand.”

Peter replied, “Yes, but every night?  John. He organized it all. Even when we were way out in that remote village. He just brought the girls in. Most of the guys were involved.”  

Wait. What?  

It turns out we were on a sex tour in which you cycled during the day. 

It’s important to know that the sex industry in Thailand is widespread and although not technically legal, is generally accepted. Historically, polygamy was common. And in modern Thailand it is not unusual to hear of married Thai men having a mistress, or two. People come from all over the world to meet up with Thai women and men. Sometimes for an hour, sometimes for a night, sometimes for a few weeks and sometimes for a lifetime. I knew that.  And it is a mixed bag. For some, it’s a clear choice to move out of poverty.  Eyes wide open.

But I am also aware that human trafficking is alive and well in Thailand and for that matter, all over the world. 

It’s this possibility that has left me feeling disquieted about our trip and why I haven’t written about it until now.  

Do I regret this trip? No. Not at all. There is so much in this world that we do not know about.  

Until we know about it.

As I get older, I know less and less it seems.  But one thing I do know is that nothing is purely good or purely bad. It’s the combination of these extremes that seem to be the underpinning of humanity and it’s this polarity that makes life so nuanced and deep. 

Complex yet so simple.

So, like all of our adventures so far, who knows what this next one holds for us? I do know that we risk experiencing both the good and the bad; the expected and the unexpected. And almost always, life lessons that I could not have learned any other way.  

With that, we  leave in a month for our next cycling sojourn and are training accordingly. I think.

Our cousin Sean, will be traveling with us again. Reunited at last, the three amigos! (See our previous exploits in Let’s Meet in Paris, The Road to Rouen and, My Little Peloton.

This time we opted for a “self-guided” tour in which we rent our bikes from a company that carries our bags from stop to stop. We will get a GPS download and ride independently, at our own pace on a relatively easy cycle path along the Danube River. It’s all planned out,  Passau to Budapest.  Super easy.  Super simple. Right?

 I mean, what could possibly happen?